Some years ago I went on vacation to a beautiful part of Portugal. We stayed in a converted farm in the middle of a national park. The farmhouse was in a valley. We arrived at night when the birds were beginning to perch. It was still warm and the air smelled sweet of pollen. You could hear the buzzing of crickets. A small river flowed through that valley. We open a rickety door and cross a small wooden bridge. As, we walked along the narrow path that led to our house, I had a clear vision of what my morning routine would be like for the next fourteen days. I had been working hard for the past few months and I was feeling tired. I wanted this vacation to be a mini retreat. I would wake up early every day when it was still quite cold and meditate for a while. I imagined sitting in a quiet place, my mind calm, my body relaxed … listening to the river flow, listening to the birds and wildlife start to move, feeling the first rays of the morning sun hitting my face as it rose above. from the hill. Present. Even as I write this now, it sounds like heaven to me.
I worked early the next morning and it was just as I envisioned. As there is nothing like the stillness of the early morning, A soft and peaceful feeling enveloped me. It didn’t come from me, it seemed to come from the land, the river, and the mountains. Everything was clearer than usual. The mind did not run here and there as it normally does. I had never been to this place before, but it felt cozy and familiar. I found a place to sit in silence. I could hear the faint buzz of insects, The air was very still and there was only an occasional light breeze. A fly landed on my face. After a moment or two, I carefully raised my hand and gently pushed it away. Then another fly landed on my face. And other. And other. The feeling that he had experienced moments ago was gone. I suffered about thirty minutes of mild torture that first morning before admitting defeat and retiring to the farm.
In the following days I experimented with different approaches. I went to a different place to try to escape the flies. As I went at different times of the day. She had already been practicing meditation for many years and had faced all kinds of distractions and obstacles in the past. As I was sure this would be no different. I had heard many stories and parables about similar experiences where the “lesson” is: “Your resistance to things not being the way you want them to be is the true source of your suffering. Drop your resistance. Let go of your attachment to things being a certain way. Words. He had repeated these same words to others many times. The words made senses to me that I believed them. I said these words to myself now. I tried to feel compassion for every fly that landed on me. I tried to change my perspective. I simply tried to experience the movements of each fly as a pure sensation on my skin. As I reminded myself that flies are an important part of the ecosystem and tried to appreciate each fly. He was lying to me. Things were not going my way. He really hated those flies. I felt irritated and tense. I was in a constant state of vigilance … waiting for the next fly to land on my skin, knowing that I would have to “consciously” endure its presence for as long as possible until finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I would choose to “consciously” push it away. … knowing also that in a few moments he would inevitably return. I thought about abandoning my plan of practicing outside in nature and moving indoors to the farm. However, I am stubborn and endured several more mornings of mental torture.
The fact that I couldn’t help but resist things going a certain way was making things worse. Now I was upset with myself too. The more I “tried” to be patient and accept flies, the worse I felt. As all this effort was adding unnecessary layers of suffering to my experience. More words. I already knew this. He had heard this advice many times in the past: “Stop trying. When you practice, let everything be exactly as it is. “
This morning, he was sitting in a sheltered spot near the river under an old oak tree. If you looked at me from a distance, you might think I was in heaven. I didn’t feel like I was in heaven as a lone fly methodically scanned the back of my hand and several more buzzed dangerously close to my face. A question came to mind: at this point, what would really happen if I did nothing and let EVERYTHING be exactly as it is? I started doing my experiment.
First things first: what was my actual experience at this time?
I was tired. Well, let that be as it is. Don’t resist or ignore it or try to change it. Are you tired. Do not even intentionally explore the experience of being tired.
As I noticed some tension in my shoulders and face. Well, let there be tension in your shoulders. This is how things are now.
I felt the need to relax my shoulders. Well, let that urge just be there. Do not follow the urge, do not resist the urge, just acknowledge it.
I noticed a recurring thought: “When will the next damn fly land on my face?” Well, let that thought be there. Don’t cling to the thought, don’t reject it, don’t try to change it.
I noticed the tension in my shoulders softened a bit like I was alone. Well, I just noticed that feeling of relaxation.
I noticed more thoughts: “Okay Barry, you may feel more relaxed now, but wait until the next fly lands on your face, you’ll be back where you started!” Same approach. Allow the thoughts to just be there. Let them come and go. Don’t interfere. Don’t analyze.
I noticed that the fly that had been snaking in my hand suddenly took flight and a moment later it landed on my cheek. This was! What if I allowed that fly to be on my face?
I noticed all kinds of things. I felt a feeling of excitement, as if I were a scientist reaching the crucial moment of his experiment. Well, let that feeling of excitement be there. The initial tiredness that I felt at first is gone.
I noticed very intense and unpleasant sensations on my face as the fly moved. Well, let those feelings be there.
I noticed thoughts telling me how I “should” react to the fly with unflappable equanimity. Well, more thoughts. Don’t try to stop them. Let them be there.
I noticed other thoughts telling me to give up this stupid experiment and try to hit the fly … even if it meant slapping myself! Well, allow those thoughts to be there.
As I followed this series of experiences, something interesting happened. The fly was still on my face, but because the focus of my practice was simply exploring what would happen if I allowed everything else to be there exactly as it was, there was a natural softening. Whatever happens was good. If she was irritated by the fly … fine. If the fly accepted me … fine. There was no longer any effort, its just awareness.
I began to notice other things that I had not been aware of before. I could hear the constant sound of the river flowing. I could feel the suitable change in temperature on my skin as the wind increased in intensity and then stopped. As I was totally aware that the weight of my body and the contact between my body and the earth. The fly was no longer the center of my attention. Whatever I was aware of, the focus was the same. Let it be exactly as it is. There was a natural state of peace and deep stillness. If I had tried then I could never have experienced this. It did not last. It never does. As always, a random thought about the past or future came in mind and it took me away from the present moment. I was lost in a dream for a while. I am no longer aware of my experience.
What brought me back to the present moment?
The familiar sensation of a fly landing on my face. Except this time, my natural response was to smile and say : “Thank you so much for reminding me to return my attention to the present Mr Fly” as I was. I had noticed the feeling of gratitude and appreciation. The sensations were no longer unpleasant. With each movement, the fly reminded me to stay here with my experience of the present moment. That fly was my teacher. Nature was my teacher.
So you have read this short story. More words. More intellectual ideas. Perhaps you agree and have decided to accept the idea or perhaps you disagree and have decided to reject the idea. Never mind. An intellectual understanding of something is not the same as a lived experience by someone. Trust me … you have to find out for yourself. Do your own experiment. Sit quietly under a tree and see what is going to happen when you allow EVERYTHING to be exactly as it is.
Note: I feel it is important to clarify that I am not advocating apathy and passive acceptance as a philosophy of life here! As We are all agents of change in our environment, and the choices we make and the actions we need to take (to a large extent) shape our experience and the world we live in. Living a conscious life is about taking wise actions when necessary and sometimes making tough decisions. If we allowed everything in life to be exactly as it is without even consciously trying to influence things, it would be an abdication of responsibility as a human being. However, there are still certain things that are completely out of our control (especially in the short term). When something is completely out of your control, see for yourself what causes you the most suffering … resistance or allowing it to be as it is?
